im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
