So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
