well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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