This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
