It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
