What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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