So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
