woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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