All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
