happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
