bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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