My liver just broke up with me...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
