You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
