So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I AM VODKA MAN
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
