I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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