Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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