your room smells of hookers.
And success
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
