Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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