I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who died my cat blue again?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
