Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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