Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
