i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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