I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
