I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
