just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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