I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
