Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
