I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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