Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
