I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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