when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
