and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
