just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
