Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
