People with herpes should wear stickers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
