he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
