Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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