its not stalking. its research.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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