he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
