FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
