Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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