a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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