My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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