So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
