I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
