Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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