I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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