This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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