I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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