Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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