Buhtt sex?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
