I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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