he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
