Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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