Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
