remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
